I remember how my Gramma, on my dad's side, used to say - My body must be made out of Rubber! This was her making light of her medical history - in and out of the hospital for one major surgery or attack or illness for the last 45 years of her life till she was 90. And once she was out of the hospital you barely knew, except for her stories that she was any worse for wear.
Now, I have been blessed with a very healthy, strong body. I was in the hospital when I was born, once for a surgery to correct a wandering eye when I was 6 years old, and then once about 10 years ago for walking pneumonia - I walked into the emergency room and then out 4 hours later ... this was the waiting time, not treatment time. The treatment time took a half hour. Now I am embarking upon the MIDDLE AGES ... and still don't have health insurance.
BUT ... even though I have my physical health, doesn't mean I haven't my own struggles ... we all do, of course, but mine have been the emotional sort ... the achey-breaky-heart sort ... and this is why I have called this Blog - Rubber Heart, because if I think about it - my heart has been broken in many ways, in many types of situations, by many different kinds of relationships - personal, professional, educational, spiritual and so on ....
Yet my heart snaps or bounces back .... so maybe it is more of a silly putty heart :-? Rubbery, but can be smooshed back together after it is torn apart. But "silly putty heart" ... well that may be an optional title ...
Anyway - back to my current Rubber Heart situation -
I am trying to detach from a love, that I invested much time and energy into. The detachment is necessary because the "beloved" by his actions or rather non-actions has made it clear that he doesn't want me to be a part of his life for now, maybe forever ... who knows.
But so that I don't continue my regime of crying nightly, or spending my days off swaddled in my bedcovers for comfort and escape from my depression or boring my friends and family with detailed accounts of my suffering that they see as "optional", I need to find a way out of this current state of suffering. Detachment is the KEY word.
And compassion - compassion for myself mainly, because I have been beating myself for a whole list of "crimes." As if this helps ... there I go again :-P
On the list of activities I have set for myself - spiritual practice.
On Wednesday evenings, I have started classes with a Buddhist Meditation and Practice group - this month - Compassion. The leader said that Compassion was the last session in a series, but that the people who came to this particular lesson were "advanced placement" students, because they were Karmically connected to Compassion. That was a nice thought. Certainly I know very well the importance of compassion, especially since I have experienced the opposite of compassion many a time.
On Sundays - Morning Service at the Center for Spiritual Living
And then - I started an 8 week online course by Debbie Ford - Stopping Self Sabotage
Lastly - I plan to help out with Tent City (the mobile homeless community) that is to St. Mark's Episcopal Cathedral across the street from my apartment - tomorrow, I need to send an email to inquire about what help they need. I think I would like to cook and serve food.
And documenting my progress ... in this post ... let's see if I can pull my heart up from its bootstraps!
